Resolutions

With the coming of each new year one is expected to come up with some new resolution, or give birth to an old resolution. I know we’re 36 days into the new year, but it’s never to late to make resolutions. Here are 14 resolutions for 2014 (yeah, I know its cheesy. Whatever!):

1. Start a blog 

2. Develop a daily yoga practice

3. Do a forearm stand

4. Hand write letters to my “soul mates” to spell out why I am grateful to have them in my life

5. Do an allergy cleanse

6. Go on a meditation retreat

7. Run at least once per week

8. Plan a backpacking trip

9. Set off on said backpacking trip

10. Find an exciting, interesting, and slightly obscure internship.

11. Go Abroad

12. Host a family dinner for all my “soul mates”

13. Avoid yelling, screaming, and various other abusive behaviors

14. Don’t expect perfection from anyone, especially oneself

Resolutions, or goals in general, are important. I feel lonely sometimes. It’s not so much that, “I’m lonely because I have no friends and hate the world.” My loneliness is more of a derivative of not understanding my place in the world. I remember feeling especially lonely just a few months ago and my friend, Thom suggested I start a bucket list– to simply keep a small notebook and pencil near my bed to scribble done any silly thing that I found interesting to experience. I felt/feel comforted by this list of resolutions, my bucket list, if you will.

The sang goes, “you are what you eat.” I said this once to my mother and she retorted that, “you are the choices you make.” But even that doesn’t resonate with me because a choice, or choices, are always in the past. A choice represents the being we once were when we made the choice, not who we are now in this present moment. To try to understand oneself, or “find oneself,” is a self defeating task. You don’t find yourself, you build yourself. I think making resolutions, setting goals, even if you don’t accomplish them, creates a blueprint for building the person you want to be. The person who you want to be is more indicative of who you are than who you are… if that makes sense.

I have a new favorite mediation mantra. It starts, “I know I am breathing in. I know I am breathing out. Breathing in, I calm my body. breathing out, I smile. I dwell in the present moment. i know this is a precious moment.” (Rogers, Holly and Margaret Maytan, Mindfulness for the Next Generation) After repeating this mantra twice, it is shortened to, “In. Out. Calming. Smiling. Present moment. Precious moment.” If I am having trouble concentrating in class or being present and in the moment, in flow, mindful, I quietly chant this mantra to myself in my own mind. My friend emily introduced it to me. It’s nice I think. It’s important to stay present, otherwise life will pass you by.  

Day 3:

High: In my art history class today we discussed Judy Chicago’s, The Dinner Party, a configuration of a three-sided table set for 39 (13 on each side) famous women in history. Each of these place settings also illustrated the female genitalia, which holds importance with 1st generation feminists who were concerned with equating women with men on a biological basis.  Chicago’s piece was criticized by both antifeminists and feminists. Antifeminists were insulted by The Dinner Party’s sheer massiveness, a characteristic of prestige and high art (done only by men) making it impossible to ignore (not to mention the ubiquitous vaginas). Feminists criticized Chicago for her portrayal on the basis of biological context because at the time, in the 1970’s, feminism was making a shift in its understanding of women and their roles in society based upon gender as a social construction rather than biology. In this way, Chicago placed herself in the essentialist trap further angering feminists because her powerful piece had undermined said transfer of feminists ideals into the 2nd generation. Anyway, my high of the day was coming up with the possibility that perhaps Chicago was trying to be ironic because men had for so long reduced women by the limitations of their biology and she was in a way throwing that back at them. Sort of like a fuck you.

Low: It started down pouring rain after my last class and so I made the wretched decision to go home instead of going to meditation club, which threw off my whole day. Luckily Emily did go and gave me the rundown: meditation retreat in Crete for a week. I think yes.

Learned: I learned that just because you don’t like someone when its just the two of you doesn’t mean you should write them off. I find this one person in my life currently very surface– does’t have anything important to say about anything– but in a group I really enjoyed this persons presence and I couldn’t imagine not being friends with this person. Even if we are just surface friends. Because that in and of itself does carry meaning. Do you ever think that the more oblivious one is the happier one can be? Perhaps there is something to be learned…

Gratitude: I’m grateful for my professors who truly care about their students and their wellbeing. One of my professors was late to class because she had to yell at the registrar for changing our class because now  students were going to have to walk out in the rain to catch their cold. This is kind of a trivial example but it still means something to me none the less.