Resolutions

With the coming of each new year one is expected to come up with some new resolution, or give birth to an old resolution. I know we’re 36 days into the new year, but it’s never to late to make resolutions. Here are 14 resolutions for 2014 (yeah, I know its cheesy. Whatever!):

1. Start a blog 

2. Develop a daily yoga practice

3. Do a forearm stand

4. Hand write letters to my “soul mates” to spell out why I am grateful to have them in my life

5. Do an allergy cleanse

6. Go on a meditation retreat

7. Run at least once per week

8. Plan a backpacking trip

9. Set off on said backpacking trip

10. Find an exciting, interesting, and slightly obscure internship.

11. Go Abroad

12. Host a family dinner for all my “soul mates”

13. Avoid yelling, screaming, and various other abusive behaviors

14. Don’t expect perfection from anyone, especially oneself

Resolutions, or goals in general, are important. I feel lonely sometimes. It’s not so much that, “I’m lonely because I have no friends and hate the world.” My loneliness is more of a derivative of not understanding my place in the world. I remember feeling especially lonely just a few months ago and my friend, Thom suggested I start a bucket list– to simply keep a small notebook and pencil near my bed to scribble done any silly thing that I found interesting to experience. I felt/feel comforted by this list of resolutions, my bucket list, if you will.

The sang goes, “you are what you eat.” I said this once to my mother and she retorted that, “you are the choices you make.” But even that doesn’t resonate with me because a choice, or choices, are always in the past. A choice represents the being we once were when we made the choice, not who we are now in this present moment. To try to understand oneself, or “find oneself,” is a self defeating task. You don’t find yourself, you build yourself. I think making resolutions, setting goals, even if you don’t accomplish them, creates a blueprint for building the person you want to be. The person who you want to be is more indicative of who you are than who you are… if that makes sense.

I have a new favorite mediation mantra. It starts, “I know I am breathing in. I know I am breathing out. Breathing in, I calm my body. breathing out, I smile. I dwell in the present moment. i know this is a precious moment.” (Rogers, Holly and Margaret Maytan, Mindfulness for the Next Generation) After repeating this mantra twice, it is shortened to, “In. Out. Calming. Smiling. Present moment. Precious moment.” If I am having trouble concentrating in class or being present and in the moment, in flow, mindful, I quietly chant this mantra to myself in my own mind. My friend emily introduced it to me. It’s nice I think. It’s important to stay present, otherwise life will pass you by.  

Day 5:

High: The pinnacle of my day culminated in the writing of a letter to my father. I wrote him a letter detailing what he’s done for me. or with me, for which I am thankful. It’s important to communicate to those you love why and how they are fundamentally important to your life. One of the lessons Dave Carnegie teaches in his book, How to Make Friends and Influence People, is that what people pine for most of all is to feel important. If you can make someone feel important why shouldn’t you (even if their ego isn’t your responsibility). But, writing such a letter wasn’t so much for my dad as it was for me. It gave me the opportunity to gain perspective and gratitude (which studies show elevate your overall happiness).

Low: Lets just say I hate a dirty kitchen, especially when the countertops are cluttered with food and the knarly ish on the floor sticks to the bottom of your feet. YOU need to learn to clean while you cook.

Learned… I really enjoy cheesy apocalyptic novels.

Grateful for… Jillian Michaels… and YouTube… and baths… trashy apocalyptic novels… wine… and chocolate. Nothing kills the low of your day like a nice endorphin rush inspired by jillian Michaels “motivating” (i.e. screaming) you by remarking on every one of your insecurities (yeah, thanks Jill. I don’t need your help to know I have a pooch and my thighs jiggle), followed by a hot bath, a glass of wine, and, well, you get the idea. 

Day 4:

High: Eating spinakopia with my roommates.

Low: Realizing my high of the day was eating spinakopia with my roommates… Fatass.

Learned: Authors are utterly disappointing most of the time. Like stop trying to be appropriate.

Grateful: I’m grateful for Pinterest. Otherwise, my life would be boring and uninspired because let’s face it life is nasty, brutish, and short.

Day 3:

High: In my art history class today we discussed Judy Chicago’s, The Dinner Party, a configuration of a three-sided table set for 39 (13 on each side) famous women in history. Each of these place settings also illustrated the female genitalia, which holds importance with 1st generation feminists who were concerned with equating women with men on a biological basis.  Chicago’s piece was criticized by both antifeminists and feminists. Antifeminists were insulted by The Dinner Party’s sheer massiveness, a characteristic of prestige and high art (done only by men) making it impossible to ignore (not to mention the ubiquitous vaginas). Feminists criticized Chicago for her portrayal on the basis of biological context because at the time, in the 1970’s, feminism was making a shift in its understanding of women and their roles in society based upon gender as a social construction rather than biology. In this way, Chicago placed herself in the essentialist trap further angering feminists because her powerful piece had undermined said transfer of feminists ideals into the 2nd generation. Anyway, my high of the day was coming up with the possibility that perhaps Chicago was trying to be ironic because men had for so long reduced women by the limitations of their biology and she was in a way throwing that back at them. Sort of like a fuck you.

Low: It started down pouring rain after my last class and so I made the wretched decision to go home instead of going to meditation club, which threw off my whole day. Luckily Emily did go and gave me the rundown: meditation retreat in Crete for a week. I think yes.

Learned: I learned that just because you don’t like someone when its just the two of you doesn’t mean you should write them off. I find this one person in my life currently very surface– does’t have anything important to say about anything– but in a group I really enjoyed this persons presence and I couldn’t imagine not being friends with this person. Even if we are just surface friends. Because that in and of itself does carry meaning. Do you ever think that the more oblivious one is the happier one can be? Perhaps there is something to be learned…

Gratitude: I’m grateful for my professors who truly care about their students and their wellbeing. One of my professors was late to class because she had to yell at the registrar for changing our class because now  students were going to have to walk out in the rain to catch their cold. This is kind of a trivial example but it still means something to me none the less.

Day 2:

High: Emily proposing to me in a game of marry, sex, kill: Seth Rogen, Jimmy Fallon, and Mr. Bean. I was DYING.

Low: Being in a bad mood over nothing for a solid three hours. I just hate being in a bad mood. I know I’m no fun to be around for anyone and no matter how much I try to repress it, I do just that and repress it, resulting in me being a complete sarcastic asshole. “The refrigerator doesn’t work unless you close it.”… “God Karen, you’re so stupid.”… “Where’s the cheese?… It’s in front of you, idiot (It was in my hand).” You get the picture.

Something I learned: I learned how to make these de-li-cious zucchini cakes and flava, which are traditional greek foods. I feasted.

Something I’m Grateful for: I’m grateful for having such patient and kind roommates who obliviously put up with my snarkiness and assholic tendencies.